Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

[Divine Intervention]

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

Source:

http://www.pinetree.net/humor/thermodynamics.html

[Max Logan]

the original one:


Bonus Question: Is H.E.L.L exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (Gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:


First, we need to know how the mass of h.e.l.l is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into h.e.l.l and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to h.e.l.l, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering h.e.l.l, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to h.e.l.l. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to h.e.l.l.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in h.e.l.l to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in h.e.l.l because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in h.e.l.l to stay the same, the volume of h.e.l.l has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If $$$$ is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter $$$$, then the temperature and pressure in $$$$ will increase until all $$$$ breaks loose.


2. If $$$$ is expanding at ! a rate faster than the increase of souls in $$$$, then the temperature and pressure will drop until $$$$ freezes over.


So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in $$$$ before I sleep with you., and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that $$$$ is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since $$$$ has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

[-Z-]

that is so awesome


I am going top print this and hand it out at christmas to my Chatolic family members.

So great.

Z