A giggle for you...

[Dogma]

THE BUTTOCKS

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.
> >

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
> >

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
> >

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
> >

After all, this was a very delicate matter.
> >

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
> >

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said: 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?'
> >

'My darling,' she replied: 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'

[bigstink]

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans.
I said, "**** that - knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
__________________ __________________________________
Wife says to husband, "If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car."
He replies, "we could get rid of the nanny!"
__________________________________________________ __

__________________________________________________ __
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, after only five beers!"
__________________________________________________ __
Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my ****.
__________________________________________________ ____

Thinking back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day.
__________________________________________________ __
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the **** out of this idiot at a party. In my defense,when you hear counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
__________________________________________________ __

My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going.
"I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going -

[MAGGIO]

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans.
I said, "**** that - knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
__________________ __________________________________
Wife says to husband, "If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car."
He replies, "we could get rid of the nanny!"
__________________________________________________ __

__________________________________________________ __
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, after only five beers!"
__________________________________________________ __
Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my ****.
__________________________________________________ ____

Thinking back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day.
__________________________________________________ __
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the **** out of this idiot at a party. In my defense,when you hear counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
__________________________________________________ __

My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going.
"I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going -





+1

[Hoebawt]

Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the **** out of this idiot at a party. In my defense,when you hear counting down from 10, your instincts kick in


That was good :)

[MAGGIO]

BOOOOOO!!!!! on the edits they were pretty harmless jokes

definitely thin on #3, thank goodness you have #5 to rely on.

[L P]

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[Dogma]

Good catch, LP. You are absolutely right.

[Scav]

wow such long toes.....

then again LP's signature is an infringement on both point 2 and 3.... (advertising / copyright)

c'mon people we are all adults...it's jokes...thought freedom of speech still held some weight

and if you are gonna be slapping people with the TOS, make sure you apply it to yourself first...

[bigstink]

Its all good.
I got a ton more. People send me the wierdest **** sometimes in email. But holy hell with the edit buttton LP :( Just noticed its all butchered to hell. Rules are rules I guess but come on those were good.

[bigstink]

Seriously... you edited the Mexican and ET joke??? What the hell was wrong with that one? I know for a fact Jesus is a Mexican and when I told him that one he laughed his little wetback *** off (FYI... Jesus is a Mexican at the steel foundry I work at :p )

[bigstink]

[QUOTE=L P;179258]Forums


3. - You will not upload, post, e-mail or otherwise make available any Content that is obscene or may be hateful or offensive on racial, ethnic, sexual or any other grounds; is harmful, vulgar or distasteful; or is defamatory, libelous, or invades another person's privacy or proprietary rights or copyrights of any other member.


lol guess that about nails it

[bigstink]

Clean "Painter God" Joke

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?" Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed." This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?" "Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"

:confused: Just not the same.... :(

[L P]

wow such long toes.....

then again LP's signature is an infringement on both point 2 and 3.... (advertising / copyright)

c'mon people we are all adults...it's jokes...thought freedom of speech still held some weight

and if you are gonna be slapping people with the TOS, make sure you apply it to yourself first...

Roger that about the signature. I deleted the link to that graphic.

There is no need for any of this controversy. Rather than everyone complaining about me in this thread they should simply report me and if I'm wrong I will be fired.

The TOS was set up this way for a reason. I'm not going to explain my actions, they are what they are and everything I do has a reason behind it. I'm not trying to be overly sensitive but I still have a job to do.

[bigstink]

Roger that about the signature. I deleted the link to that graphic.

There is no need for any of this controversy. Rather than everyone complaining about me in this thread they should simply report me and if I'm wrong I will be fired.

The TOS was set up this way for a reason. I'm not going to explain my actions, they are what they are and everything I do has a reason behind it. I'm not trying to be overly sensitive but I still have a job to do.

Like I said its all good bro. Its goingto take a hell of alot more then some editing to ge me going :tongue::