Jokes

[Crimson Shadow]

Those were very good Ace.

[ooga booga]

ya those were funny Ace.

Medicare Health Insurance, in a nutshell:

> The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."
>
> "Mrs. Ward, please."
>
> "Speaking"
>
> "Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When
> your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from
> another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your
> husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."
>
> "What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
>
> "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other
> one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is."
>
> "That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.
>
> "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one
> time."
>
> "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
>
> "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere
> in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

[ranger2112]

thats funny.

[Mr President]

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.
But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what; metal, wood, stone,
anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.


The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.



But alas, when the princess touche d it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly .



The second prince brought diamonds.



He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .



She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both live d happily ever after.



Question: What was in the prince's pants?








M&M's of course.


They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??

[TheSecondComing]

A man enters a bar with an ostrich under one arm, and a cat under the other.
he approaches the barman and asks for a pint and a packet of nuts. to this the cat says:
"oh so suddenly you can splash out on a packet of nuts as well!"
the man reluctantly changes his mind and just has the pint instead.
After he is finished his pint, he decides since he walked in he can have another but as he is asking for the second the cat shouts
"No theres no way you can afford that second pint"
The man sitting next to him says "wow that sounds rough, whats the explanation for that?"
so he explains "well, I've just moved in to a new house, whist searching the attic i found this old lamp, to my surprise when i rubbed it a genie appeared and just like in all the fairy tails, he told me he would grant me one wish..."
the man says "so how come you suddenly cant afford a packet of nuts or a second pint?"
"well thats the thing you see" he says "i asked for a bird with long legs and a tight p****"

[cfoulcer12345]

just read all jokes in here some are but some not

[Mr President]

Should I Sell the Boat?


Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my
lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to
hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out
into a torrential down pour. The wind was blowing 50 mph.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible.


" My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, "Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that stuff?"
I still don't know if she was joking.

[Crimson Shadow]

[pcgluva]

lmao wow thats f'ed up

[Satan666]

thats good, i laughed.

::edit::

This is a Joke from Mitch Hedburg

I love escalators because they cannot break, they only can become Stairs. You will never see a escalator out of service sign, only a Escalator temporally Stairs, Sorry for the convenience.

and another

I like cinnamon rolls, but i don't always have the time to make a pan. So instead i like to light a stick and have my friends wake up with false hopes.